Wednesday, 30 October 2013

What NOT to Say to the Woman You Love

Hello All,

I wanted to start with a thank you! I've had over 1100 people read the blog in the 2 weeks since I started blogging. So, thank you. XOXO

Now this topic is a big one, it could be the subject of many posts. What should you STOP saying so you can get a little more action?

Remember this 1 Rule:
Is what you are about to say a line that the guy who gets the girl in the romantic movie would say, or would it come out of the guy's mouth who is about to get kicked to the curb? 

Let me explain. Anything that makes a woman feel belittled, made fun of, stupid, silly, embarrassed, condescended to and/or threatened should NOT be coming out of your mouth. You want to be the guy who protects her from that guy, the one who hugs her when someone has been horrid to her at work, the one who supports her when she has a crazy dream.

Need to be right all the time? Well you'll be right if you're guessing she won't be in the mood very often.

Need to say "I told you so" when she messes up? You aren't going to earn any romance points with that attitude.

Wouldn't say it in front of her friends/parents/co-workers because you know you'd sound bad? Then don't say it when you are alone with her.

Hold your tongue at those moments and you'll be holding her in your arms later.

Next post: Saturday, November 2nd.

Saturday, 26 October 2013

3 More Ways to Turn Into a Romance God

"I think that men know how to romance a woman and most do it well, at least for a time, otherwise women wouldn't marry them. The problem is that most of them begin to rest on their laurels."

Amen, Mr. Sparks. So for those of you who are ready to get off your 'laurels', here are 3 more ideas to help you become a romance god...

  1. Secretly Plan a Date, Weekend Getaway or Trip. Figure out the logistics on your own - who will look after the kids/pets/house if needed? Don't tell her where you are going until you are on your way. Just tell her what to wear and/or what to pack. She already knows all about you, but you can still add that feeling of mystery if you're creative. All that planning will definitely pay off - us girls tend to get a little wild when we get away from our everyday lives... 
  2. Tell her why you fell in love with her in the first place. Maybe it's been so long that you've forgotten, but if you think about it, it will all come back to you. Describe it in detail for her, what you thought when you first saw her or first realized that she was the one. What are all the little things that made you sure about her. What are the ways that she impresses you now? 
  3. Don't be afraid of a little PDA. I'm not suggesting you stick your tongue down her throat at her family reunion. Be subtle about it - hold her hand, let your fingers rest on the small of her back when you walk together, or on her leg when you are at a show together. How did you touch her when you were first dating and you couldn't get enough of her? Yeah. Do that. 
Alright, that's it for today. I hope this series of posts have been helpful for you! Drop me a line and let me know how it's going. 

I'm off to get ready. My husband planned a date night for us. That man's got game.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Three Ways to Be Romantic That Will Cost You Nothing...

Okay, here we go. My relentless pursuit to help you get lucky continues... I hope my other 3 posts have been helpful in that department.

Romance truly is composed of the little things that make a woman feel loved, valued, cared for and special. You can't just buy flowers and then neglect her all week. One of the sexiest things the hero in my romance novel did was to shut off the sports highlights he was watching as soon as the heroine walked through the door. Oh yeah, baby, just like that...

 So here are my first 3 tips for being romantic that won't cost you any money but that work like a charm. Follow step 1, 2, 3, then repeat over and over until you live happily ever after...

  1. Four of the most romantic words a guy can say are "How Can I Help?"   One of the biggest complaints women have is that they are too busy all the time, leaving them exhausted. If you seem to have more free time than her, find out what you can do to lighten her load. Ask her what is on her to-do list and take on some of it yourself. Remember this little equation to keep you on top of your game: Feeling less tired + Cared For = Horny Wife/Girlfriend
  2. Pay Attention to Her. When you are together are you really with her or are you gazing at your twitter feed more than into her eyes? We each want to feel like our partner finds us to be the most interesting person on the planet. Remember when you started dating? Did you hang on every word? How long has it actually been since you looked at her. I mean really looked into her eyes while she was talking with you. Give some thought to what she needs from you - more of your time, more attention, more connection and then make sure you follow through. She probably takes care of you in a million little ways. Make sure you do the same. 
  3. Touch Her. And I don't just mean grabbing her breasts when she's doing dishes (although if it's preceded by nuzzling her neck, sucking on her earlobe and planting slow, sweet kisses along her collar bone, you go ahead and head for second base, buddy). I mean, hold her hand when you are cuddled up on the couch watching TV, give her a warm hug and a lingering kiss before you head out the door every morning, put on a slow song and hold her while you sway a little to the music from time to time. Touch her at times and in places where there is NO chance for it to lead to sex. Do that and she'll be making the first move when you are finally alone.
So that's it for tonight! Now I think I'll go put some soapy water in the kitchen sink, stick my hands in and wait for my husband to walk by...

Next Post: Saturday, October 26th - 3 More Great Tips on Being Romantic

Saturday, 19 October 2013

How to Keep the Mystery Alive (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Tonight's installment is all about bodily functions that don't have any place in your romantic relationships.

"But, MJ, burping is funny. So is farting. It makes her laugh even though she's pretending to be grossed out."

Unless you are dating an eight year old boy, she is grossed out and is pretending it is funny. If you ever watch a romantic movie, you will NEVER see the hero rip one and then hold the leading lady's head under the sheets. That's because the ladies hate that shit. It makes our vaginas slam shut. So if you do it, stop. The bodily function jokes should only be shared with your guy pals.

Also, shut the door when you are using the bathroom. She doesn't want to get in bed with you and then have an image of you having a twosie float through her brain. Shut the door. Lock it. Fan on. Strike a match. Open the window if you can and then pretend it never happened.

Gotta pee? If you can't aim properly, clean up after yourself immediately or sit the hell down. Don't leave that for her to deal with. It's easily as disgusting as your gassy smells after having chili dogs.

There is such a thing as too much intimacy. Leave a little mystery and she'll keep coming back for more.

Remember: for women, the desire factor isn't just a response to a biological need to bang someone. It's a sum total of everything that has happened in our relationship in the last day or so. If we've been grossed out, we just aren't feeling it.

That's it for now. Don't believe me? Ask her if she would find you sexier if you took my advice.

Good luck, men!


Next Post - Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
                   Three Ways to be Romantic That Will Cost You Nothing...

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Grooming 101 (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Okay, so here's part two in my series to help you guys get more action. If you already do these things, good on you! If not, it is definitely part of why you're woman isn't giving you the "come hither stare" more often. Today is ALL ABOUT GROOMING!

Have you seen Crazy, Stupid Love?  Think Ryan Gosling's character. He has the BEST advice for staying on top of your game (although he is a little mean about it).

When you first started dating, were you dressing well and taking care of yourself? Sure you were.Then you lock in the woman of your dreams, life gets busy, your priorities shift and you find yourself wearing the same grease-stained shirt around the house all day on Saturday. She loves you anyway, right? Sure, but is she swooning when she sees you?

So, here's what to do. Take a long look in the mirror. How's your haircut? Does it need an update? Does it suit you? How's your skin? Rough and flaky or smooth? Do you have nose hair sticking out? She has a great view of it if she's shorter than you.

Keep It Clean
  1.  Shower everyday. Brush at least twice a day, floss and scope, especially before you go snuggle up with her. Unless you have a beard, shave regularly. That aftershave smell is like an aphrodisiac. Also, the feel of a smooth face on hers? Delicious. If you have a beard, keep it neat. The ladies aren't exactly lusting after Grizzly Adams.
  2. Just got back from playing a sport or the gym? Toss your gym clothes in the washer and go have a shower. Don't leave your stinky clothes for her to deal with. NOT a turn on. 
  3. Wearing the same funky clothes more than one day in a row? Umm, no. Fresh clothes each day, yes.
Put in a Little Effort
  1. Hit the gym, play a sport, go running, or whatever you love to do that will keep you fit and healthy. Make it a priority and do it regularly. You guys have a sickening advantage over women. You can just do the slightest bit of exercise or cut back on beer and you drop weight like it's molten lava. So use that to your advantage. Do a little, get a big result. 
  2. Eat Right. Healthy food, including lots of fruits, veggies and lean protein make you feel more virile. They will give you that extra energy and enthusiasm for life that women love. Cut back on fast foods, food high in additives, etc.
What's in Your Closet?
  1. If you are wearing clothes that you bought in the 90s, I have bad news for you. They don't fit. Even if you are the same size, everybody wore their clothes too big back then. Donate them. Anything ill-fitting has got to go. Too big, or worse, too small - OUT. 
  2. Anything with holes, grease or pit stains needs to be filled in the round bin, regardless of how comfortable. You can buy a new favourite shirt. 
  3. Hit the stores with a stylish friend or get help from a fashion-savvy sales person. You don't have to spend a lot to start dressing in things that make her go "Mmmm".  My husband recently came home with a sexy European cut suit for a conference. When he tried it on for me, it was all I could do not to send the kids to bed at two in the afternoon. 
Okay, so that should pretty much cover it for today. Good luck, fellas!


Next Post: Saturday, October 19/13
                  How to Keep the Mystery Alive (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Saturday, 12 October 2013

How To Listen to a Woman (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Ok, fellas, here we go! Tonight, I am writing my first ever blog and it's dedicated to you poor, poor men that are so clueless when it comes to the fairer sex. Each week, I will have a new post with the sole purpose of helping you get lucky (actually it's to improve your relationship, but if I told you that first, you'd be reading something else by now).

Consider your boyfriend/husband skills as diamonds in the rough. I'm here to help you polish your ahem... skills. I have a husband who is very wise in the way of women, one of the reasons we've been together for over half our lives already. So first lesson is on listening. I know it's confusing. It's tough and it certainly doesn't make any sense to you when we say "I don't want you to solve it! I just want you to listen!"

There is a good reason that "It's Not About the Nail" got over 6 milliion views in 4 months. It's funny because it's true. Jason Headley captured the absurdity of it all.

We don't want your advice because we are also capable of higher level thinking. You know how when you have a problem, you like to go off and think about it and make a decision? We like to talk it out with someone who loves us. We hear the solution as we are talking. Getting advice from you feels bad for two reasons:

  1. It makes us feel stupid and we don't like to feel stupid. We women grew up as little girls. Often little girls are treated as though they are not as smart as their male counterparts. 
  2. It makes us feel shut down. When you're quick on the draw with the old suggestion it makes it pretty clear that you've got better things to do. Do you really? Is finding out the score to today's baseball game at this exact moment worth sacrificing sex for? I didn't think so. 
Why do we want you to listen anyway? It feels good. It's one way that we feel loved and supported. Feeling loved and supported leads to feelings of intimacy. (Oh, now it's becoming clear, isn't it?)

  1. Listening consists of Hearing AND comprehending what the person speaking is actually saying. So if you are watching sports, reading your twitter feed, or checking out the waitress's legs while your girl's lips are moving, consider it a fail. Stop whatever else you are doing and pay attention. Remember this will payoff later, so it's worth it.
  2. You Can't Listen and Talk at the Same Time.  Only women can do this. And not all of us either. So you're best bet is to keep your lips locked shut and throw away the key. Zip it. Shut it. That's right. Much better.
  3. You also can't listen while you are thinking of the great advice that you have to give her so that she'll just shut the hell up and you can get back to watching sports highlights.  Oh I know. It's almost impossible not to think of any number of easy, smart and/or obvious ways that she could get out of whatever is making her life (and now yours) miserable. But don't. She's smart. She'll figure out the best solution. The WAY she'll figure it out is by talking about it. She's problem solving and you are the lucky sounding board. So dig your fork into your leg, bite your cheek, do anything you have to in order to remind yourself that your ideas and suggestions are not welcome here. 
  4. The Only Acceptable Statements from You are As Follows:
    1. Are you serious? He/She/They said/did/ that?
    2. That sucks, babe/honey/sweetheart
    3. Then what happened? 
    4. Tsking sounds, shaking your head and/or saying "NO!" in disbelief are all good
    5. She's a serious bitch! (unless the she that your woman is complaining about is her sister/best friend/mom - then leave this one out and go back to #1)
    6. What a dick! (again, not to be used for her dad/brother)
    7. That must have been awful. I'm so sorry you had such a bad day/week/semester/class.
    8. What are you going to do? 
    9. Oh sugar lips, I know you can figure it out. You always make the right choice. (except probably don't call her sugar lips).
    10. Let me make you a drink/give you a foot rub/rub your shoulders (Note: DO NOT EXPECT SEX AT THIS POINT! Don't even try it. Not even a little bit. That will come later)

Okay? So that's it. Really women are pretty simple to understand. You just have to stop thinking like a man once in a while.

You're welcome, boys!


Next Post:    Wednesday, October 16th    
                      Grooming 101 (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)