Monday, 30 December 2013

The Mysterious Success of a Stay-At-Home-Mom Turned Romance Author

Happy New Year Everyone!

2013 is winding down and I wanted to take this opportunity to show my gratitude for the amazing support that I've received with my debut novel, Break in Two. Since I released it on November 6th, it has held the top spot in the Western Romance Category on and almost everyday. More recently, it has spent a few days at #1 in the US in the same category. I've received over 500 reviews between the various Amazon sites and Goodreads, almost all of them very kind.

I've had a lot of people ask how I managed to pull this off. While luck has been on my side, it really comes down to hard work and research actually. For the entire month of October, I slept only 3-4 hours/night while trying to finish editing my book and researching how to market it. Not exactly a sexy answer, but it is the truth.

For those of you who are launching a book soon or are looking to increase sales, I hope this will save you some time!

These are the 10 best things that I did to gain exposure for my book:

  1. Nick Wale of Novel Ideas: I happened to read an interview featuring Nick on Simon Duringer's blog ( in the late fall. I decided I wanted someone as forward thinking and successful as Nick in my corner, so I contacted him right away. He has managed to have several interviews put in various blogs around the UK and North America, he featured me in his monthly e-zine, "Novel Ideas", and gave me loads of tips/hints for my launch. All of his continued hard work on my behalf has put my book in front of countless people, getting my book off to a great start. He is also a genuinely caring person who is really passionate about seeing indie authors succeed and doesn't believe in charging an arm and a leg for his help. So even if you have a tiny budget for marketing your novel (like $30), get a hold of Nick.
  2. Blog Tour: I was lucky enough to get Book Enthusiast Promotions to host an Author Spotlight for me. They have a HUGE reach in the romance world and the cost was very reasonable for the value. They will be hosting a Blog Book Tour for me from January 20-24th as well, which should help to keep my sales going for a while!
  3. A Great Cover: My husband and I designed the cover together. We found the graphic on Shutterstock and then chose the font based on an article I read about fonts for book covers ( I wanted something beautiful, compelling and professional. I also wanted something that people would be happy to have on their shelf. I think we managed that nicely.
  4. Social Networking: Now, I only joined Twitter and Facebook in June and started trying to network with other authors and bloggers. I have found this an extremely welcoming and helpful community. There are dozens of Facebook Groups, Google + groups, etc to join in order to help promote your novels, ask for reviews, get advice, etc. I haven't spent too much time trying to post links to my book around the groups since it launched - just a little at the beginning. I don't honestly think it's all that effective to promote your book to a bunch of other authors who are also trying to get people to buy their books. It makes more sense to me to use social networking to make connections with people who you can share ideas with and form friendships in order to support each other. I also try to keep my posts either helpful or entertaining.
  5. Facebook Author Page: I created a Facebook author page and use that to pay for advertising around Facebook. I am able to 'target' my ads to my audience. I have boosted posts when I launched the book, when I lower the price of my book and also to get more readers for my blog as well. I generally spend about $10-30/day on boosting posts for a few days. I like that you can see how many people see the post and how many click-throughs so you will know if the ad was effective. 
  6. Goodreads Profile: The serious readers of the western world go here to find their next book, discuss books, keep track of what they've read and what they want to read. I set up my author profile, giving as much information as I could and linking my blog to my author profile. The site is easy to use and allows you to provide a lot of information about yourself and your work. You can join groups that are specific to your genre and add your book to their "to read" shelf in some cases as well. 
  7. Host a Goodreads Giveaway: The day my book launched, I set up a giveaway for one signed copy of my book. I quickly had hundreds of people sign up to win the prize, many of whom added my book to their "To Be Read" file. This helped my book gain exposure on this important site. (On Nick's advice, I have started another giveaway again.) Here's an article on How to Host a Goodreads Giveaway:
  8. Amazon Author Central: Take a few minutes to set up an Author Central account and definitely add as much content as you can to it. I think it really helps give you a polished look and will add that always important content to your Amazon Author Page. Here is a terrific video on how to increase your sales on Amazon. I've watched it several times and employed most of her advice.
  9. A Professional Author Photo: this helps people feel connected to you. Photos that hide you or look like you took them with your webcam in a dimly lit room, don't have that same professional feel. When people are going to spend their hard earned money and valuable time reading a book, they want to feel like it is written by a real author who really cares about the quality of what they are putting out there. 
  10. Book Trailer: Nick came up with a most beautiful trailer to promote by book for Christmas. It is SO well done that I put in a Google ad on Youtube to promote it for $10/day for a few weeks. We had a very high rate of people watching 100% of the video (some weeks as many as 19% watched to the end which is almost unheard of). There was a link at the end to my Amazon page to buy the book. I didn't see all that many clicks through but I really believe it helped in the 'long game' of marketing this book. It was seen by over 70 000 people in my target audience.
So that's it for now. If you have any questions or comments, please let me know! Please share your best marketing ideas in the comments section below as well so we can all gain from each other's experience. I'm a complete newbie at all of this, so I know I have a TON to learn still. 

Thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way, who has supported me, bought my book and reviewed it! Your kindness has meant more than you could ever know. You amaze me.

All the best to you and yours in 2014! May it be your best year yet and may they all get better from there!!


Thursday, 12 December 2013

The Sexiest Christmas Shopping Guide EVER

Hello Fellas!

For those of you who don't know me, I am MJ Summers, best-selling contemporary romance author. I have a naughty and nice present for those of you who are desperately seeking the perfect gift ideas for your special girl this Christmas.

I have selected the sexiest gifts that are sure to put a smile on her face (and yours). All of the legwork has been done for you. No need to get out of your chair even! Just click on the links below and wait for the UPS truck to arrive.

Now most of these things are to be opened at your own private holiday celebration. Get one or two items, or splurge on them all and let the fireworks begin!

Kama Sutra Massage Oil
The creme de la creme of massage oils. They have it perfected. Delicious scents and flavours, luxurious feel. Prices range from $10 - 25 depending on what you choose.

Luxury Plush Blanket 
This one goes hand in hand with the massage oil. Put this over your bottom sheet using the oils. Not only will it protect your sheets, it will feel amazing at the same time. Click here for blankets priced from $49 and up.

This product is featured on in a beginner's guide to erotica. The We-Vibe is considered the vibrator for couples and can greatly enhance your sexperience together. Prices range from $49 to $150 depending on which model you choose.

A Sexy Novel - Break in Two 
This season's must have novel to set the mood. With over 120 reviews on and a 4.5/5 star rating overall, you can see that women (and men) are LOVING this book. I have even had women email me to tell me that they learned some new moves to try out with their husbands. (It also has a super romantic Christmas 'ahem' climax).
Get the book. Pour her a glass of wine, go have a shower and see if she can make it past page 53 without giving you the nod. 

Available only on Amazon, you can choose print ($12.49 USD) or kindle version ($3.89 USD). You can gift a kindle e-book quite easily. 

This can be intimidating for a lot of guys, so I'm taking the guess work out of it for you with my Lingerie Buying Guide: 
  • Get the Right Size - Take a quick peek in her underwear drawer to find the sizes of a few of her bras and panties. Write it down. Most lingerie shops and websites have sizing charts to ensure the proper fit. 
  • Get Something She'll Feel Beautiful In - you might like to see her in a set of pasties and a leather thong, but she might be feeling overexposed and self-conscious. If she loves the reflection she sees in the mirror, she'll feel much less inhibited. Start by thinking about the parts of her body that she complains about:
    • Does she hate her tummy? Choose a baby-doll fit or a merry widow (with ruching if you can find it - ruching hides all kinds of flaws) 
    • Does she wish she had bigger or perkier breasts? Go with something with a push-up bra built in (teddy, nightie, baby-doll, merry widow)
    • Does she try to hide her thighs? Go with a slightly longer nightie. 
Where to buy lingerie: 

If you are in the US - Victoria's Secret has got it what you want. An excellent selection that won't break the bank. 

If you are in Canada - la Vie en Rose is the place to go. Their lingerie fits beautifully, feels nice, is well-priced, covers what she wants to hide and shows off what you want to see. Perfection. 

Visit my Pinterest Page for examples of my favourites. You can't resist, can you? 

I hope this is helpful for you and that you have the most romantic holiday season of all time. 

Be sure to check out the rest of my posts to find out What Women REALLY Want for more tips on how to be the most romantic guy on the block (ie. the one who is always gettin' some). 

Happy Shopping!

Saturday, 7 December 2013

Your Sexiest Christmas Ever (Part 1)

The holidays are upon us and with all the hustle and bustle, it's easy to forget all about romance. I totally understand - you're thinking about shopping, cooking, in-laws, wrapping gifts, attending Christmas parties and school plays. You might even have rolled your eyes or laughed at the idea of the 'sexiest Christmas ever'. But this time of year can be wonderfully romantic if you put yourself in the right frame of mind.

I want to invite you to squeeze in some time for romance and - of course - for sex. I have a few ideas to help you get through your Holiday To-Do List quickly so that you'll have time to cuddle up in front of the fireplace with your sweetie and share a bottle of wine.

  1. Get things Done Ahead of Time: Nothing robs you of your mojo like rushing around like a maniac. Try shopping, wrapping and doing other prep as far ahead as possible, so you can take your time. 
  2. Go for a shopping date. If you have kids, get a sitter and make an evening of it. Have your list ready to go and hit the stores together. You can have fun with it if you are in the right frame of mine. Try to keep your patience and enjoy being a team. Reward yourselves by going out for a quiet dessert or maybe even a movie if you finish early enough.  
  3. You Do NOT Need to Be Sober to Wrap Presents: Make an evening of it. Grab a bottle of wine, put on a romantic movie that you love and start wrapping. If you do it a few days ahead of time, you'll know you are getting ahead of the game at the same time. 
  4. Lower Your Standards: Does the house need to be absolutely spotless to have people over? What if it was just 'good enough' but you were in a great mood? I think it might be worth it.
  5. Hire it Out: If your budget isn't stretched too far this year, consider having someone come in to clean your home right before Christmas. This can save you many hours, leaving you more relaxed. The last two years, I have ordered Christmas dinner from a catering company. It isn't that much more expensive than buying all the ingredients and I was able to spend Christmas day with my kids and my husband instead of in the kitchen. On Christmas night, I didn't have achy tired feet and the feeling like I missed out on all the fun. I got to be part of it too! I let go of my ego attachment to serving a wonderful meal and just decided to enjoy. I'm planning to do it again this year. (I'll make the big meals again when my children are older).
  6. Delegate: If hiring it out isn't for you, maybe you can delegate. Are there other people in your home who can help with the preparations? If you are having relatives for a meal, can they each bring something to take the pressure off you? Don't think you have to do it all on your own, only to end up feeling resentful when the big day arrives. 
  7. Take care of Yourself: What do you do to show self-care? Sleep enough, eat healthy, exercise, maybe go for a message if you can? Do those important things that keep your energy levels up and put a smile on your face. 
  8. Date Night: Make a list of romantic things you want to do with your significant other and make them a priority. Go for a drive or a walk in the evening to look at the Christmas lights. Book a dinner out or have a candle-lit dinner at home. Pick a favourite movie to watch together. Snuggle up on the couch under a cozy blanket and just be together. Even if you just find the time to do one or two romantic things together in the next few weeks, it will go really far for creating wonderful, warm feelings and memories. After all, isn't love what the holidays are all about?
Okay, so that's it for tonight! The babysitter just got here and my husband and I are off to do our Christmas shopping date.

Coming Soon:   Part 2 of Your Sexiest Christmas Ever - and it's About to Get Hot in Here...

Thursday, 28 November 2013

One Spicy Interview!

Hello All and Happy Thanksgiving!

I was fortunate enough to be interviewed by Simon Duringer, the King of Interviews this week. His questions were provocative, fun and thought-provoking. He had me blushing and scratching my head more than once.

He had all sorts of questions from how my book has hit #1 across the UK and Canada in the first two weeks since the release date to how well-endowed my husband is. Wasn't expecting that one!

Check it out here:


Saturday, 23 November 2013

Feeling Alive

Hi Everyone!

It is that time of year again, winter is here. If you live in a climate like mine, the weather has turned cold and the nights are much longer. It's easy to want to curl up in the house for several months and not do anything, which can lead to a case of the winter doldrums.

I wanted to share with you some ideas to help you keep that wonderful "I'm alive!" feeling that often accompanies spring and summer. I hope they help, if you are one who finds yourself feeling stressed out or lacking energy this time of year.

1) Exercise Regularly - I know, I know. It's cold and dark out and you don't want to leave the house. I feel that way sometimes when it's time for me to hit the gym or take the dog for a big walk. If you can't bring yourself to go out, workout at home. Put on some music and dance, walk up and down the stairs over and over, do some push ups, use any exercise equipment that you might have collecting dust in yourself. Even if it's just 15 minutes/day - do it. I have to remind myself that I will NEVER regret having gone, whereas if I don't go, I will ALWAYS feel like I let myself down.

Try to find something that you will love doing, maybe yoga, swimming, pilates, walking with a friend, or taking your kids tobogganing (a great way to make memories as well as get exercise).

2) Go Out With Friends - Fight the urge to sit at home. Get out with your favourite people for a coffee, walk, trip the museum, dinner, a movie, shopping or whatever you love to do in the summer.  Make sure you schedule it ahead of time. It gives you something to look forward to in addition to developing those oh so important human connections (the real ones, not just the social media ones).

3) Physical Touch Helps - hugs and kisses and other ways of touching help our brains to release those feel-good chemicals. Make opportunities for touching someone you love each day. Sex is terrific for this too, so shave your legs, ladies and get busy!

4)Eat Well - I know comfort food is calling my name when the temperature drops. It's key for me to continue eating loads of fruits and veggies all year long. I don't enjoy salad as much in the winter, but I do love a healthy, hearty soup. I try to make a huge pot of vegetarian chili, minestrone or other veggie soup each week and have lots of leftovers.

5) Make a Winter "Bucket" List - Think of 10 or 20 things you want to do this winter to get you out of the house. Try a new sport such as skiing, rock-climbing, or snowshoeing.  Try a new activity such as painting ceramics at a shop, learning more about photography, making Christmas ornaments, knitting or whatever you've wanted to do that you've been putting off for another time. Commit to yourself and do it.

Making sure that you have something to look forward to each week helps you to feel more alive.

As always, I wish you happiness and love!


Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Home for the Holidays Hop!

Welcome Hoppers!

I hope you are having a terrific time getting lots of wonderful recipes and that you'll get lucky in the giveaways!

Make sure to leave your email address below under comments and you will be entered to win an e-copy of my full length, debut novel, Break in Two, as well as the GRAND PRIZE!!

Orange Spiced Cranberry Sauce 

Here is my favourite recipe for Cranberry Sauce. It's quick and easy but definitely adds something extra special to a turkey dinner! I like to make the cranberry sauce the night before or early in the day (then refrigerate) so that I have one less thing to think about and clean up when I'm making the actual meal.

1 - 12 ounce bag Cranberries

1 Cup Water

1 cup Sugar (I usually use less, about 2/3 cup)

1 tablespoon Orange Zest

1 Cinnamon stick or 1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg

Combine sugar and water in a medium saucepan (I always like to use one size up from what I need so it won't splash over). Bring to a boil until sugar dissolves. Add cranberries, cinnamon and nutmeg.
Cook over medium heat and simmer until the sauce thickens and the cranberries burst (approximately 15 to 20 minutes). Remove cinnamon stick. Let cool to room temperature or refrigerate before serving. 


I wish you love, great sex and happiness always,

Please make sure to Like me on Facebook and Follow my blog as well!

Saturday, 9 November 2013

5 Tips to Get Back That Loving Feeling

1. When it comes to romantic interludes, confidence is queen. Stop worrying about what you look like when you are in bed! Period. Generally speaking, men are just so happy to be having sex, they couldn't care less about whether the woman they are with has flat abs or not. Sex is about touch, connection and attitude. If you are feeling self-conscious about your body, it will stop you from enjoying yourself and from really connecting with your partner. If you are feeling sexy, you'll relax, stay in the moment and move in ways that drive your man wild.  So forget about how thick your thighs are and just enjoy each sensation as it comes.

2. Think about sex at times when you aren't having it. Read sexy books or magazines, look up new positions on the internet. This will help get your body and mind in the right space for later. Women often have so much on their minds that they can go days or weeks even without thinking about sex. Take a "sexy thoughts break" for a few minutes each day. It's FUN! It can be the best part of your day.

3. Take care of your skin. Exfoliate your entire body regularly. Follow by a nourishing body cream. (Note, exfoliating scrubs and cream do not need to be expensive in order to work.) Rub on a little more cream right before you go to bed. The act of caring for yourself like this will make you feel more sensual and relaxed, not to mention make your skin feel like silk, which is very appealing to most guys.

4. Buy some massage oil and a luxury plush blanket to put down on your bed. The blanket will give you another sensual point of touch for your skin, not to mention keep your sheets from getting oil-stained. 

5. Try listening to some sexy music while you're in bed. Make a playlist ahead of time, even just a few songs on repeat. Give it a go. It really adds something extra and if you're a person who has trouble getting lost in the moment, this may help.

Thursday, 7 November 2013

Announcing the "I Want MORE Cole" GIVEAWAY!!

Hi All,

It has been quite the week! I am happy to say that my debut novel, Break in Two, was released yesterday and tonight, as I write this, my book is #1 on for Hot New Releases and Western Romances! I'm also at #24 in Hot New Releases on in the Western Romance Category!

So thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has helped me with this!

Now, down to business...

I have a GIVEAWAY to announce!  When I finished the novel, I cut out 3 of the Steamiest Sex Scenes (and I mean so hot, they'll melt your tablet). I put them into a SECRET SCENES BOOKLET just for you!

Anyone who posts an honest review of the book before May 1st/14 will get a copy of the booklet (for free, of course).

Simply read, post reviews on Amazon and/or Goodreads and then go to my website to redeem your booklet.

But hurry, because as of May 1st/14, they will be gone forever...forever....forever.....

Happy Reading Everyone!!!

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

What NOT to Say to the Woman You Love

Hello All,

I wanted to start with a thank you! I've had over 1100 people read the blog in the 2 weeks since I started blogging. So, thank you. XOXO

Now this topic is a big one, it could be the subject of many posts. What should you STOP saying so you can get a little more action?

Remember this 1 Rule:
Is what you are about to say a line that the guy who gets the girl in the romantic movie would say, or would it come out of the guy's mouth who is about to get kicked to the curb? 

Let me explain. Anything that makes a woman feel belittled, made fun of, stupid, silly, embarrassed, condescended to and/or threatened should NOT be coming out of your mouth. You want to be the guy who protects her from that guy, the one who hugs her when someone has been horrid to her at work, the one who supports her when she has a crazy dream.

Need to be right all the time? Well you'll be right if you're guessing she won't be in the mood very often.

Need to say "I told you so" when she messes up? You aren't going to earn any romance points with that attitude.

Wouldn't say it in front of her friends/parents/co-workers because you know you'd sound bad? Then don't say it when you are alone with her.

Hold your tongue at those moments and you'll be holding her in your arms later.

Next post: Saturday, November 2nd.

Saturday, 26 October 2013

3 More Ways to Turn Into a Romance God

"I think that men know how to romance a woman and most do it well, at least for a time, otherwise women wouldn't marry them. The problem is that most of them begin to rest on their laurels."

Amen, Mr. Sparks. So for those of you who are ready to get off your 'laurels', here are 3 more ideas to help you become a romance god...

  1. Secretly Plan a Date, Weekend Getaway or Trip. Figure out the logistics on your own - who will look after the kids/pets/house if needed? Don't tell her where you are going until you are on your way. Just tell her what to wear and/or what to pack. She already knows all about you, but you can still add that feeling of mystery if you're creative. All that planning will definitely pay off - us girls tend to get a little wild when we get away from our everyday lives... 
  2. Tell her why you fell in love with her in the first place. Maybe it's been so long that you've forgotten, but if you think about it, it will all come back to you. Describe it in detail for her, what you thought when you first saw her or first realized that she was the one. What are all the little things that made you sure about her. What are the ways that she impresses you now? 
  3. Don't be afraid of a little PDA. I'm not suggesting you stick your tongue down her throat at her family reunion. Be subtle about it - hold her hand, let your fingers rest on the small of her back when you walk together, or on her leg when you are at a show together. How did you touch her when you were first dating and you couldn't get enough of her? Yeah. Do that. 
Alright, that's it for today. I hope this series of posts have been helpful for you! Drop me a line and let me know how it's going. 

I'm off to get ready. My husband planned a date night for us. That man's got game.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Three Ways to Be Romantic That Will Cost You Nothing...

Okay, here we go. My relentless pursuit to help you get lucky continues... I hope my other 3 posts have been helpful in that department.

Romance truly is composed of the little things that make a woman feel loved, valued, cared for and special. You can't just buy flowers and then neglect her all week. One of the sexiest things the hero in my romance novel did was to shut off the sports highlights he was watching as soon as the heroine walked through the door. Oh yeah, baby, just like that...

 So here are my first 3 tips for being romantic that won't cost you any money but that work like a charm. Follow step 1, 2, 3, then repeat over and over until you live happily ever after...

  1. Four of the most romantic words a guy can say are "How Can I Help?"   One of the biggest complaints women have is that they are too busy all the time, leaving them exhausted. If you seem to have more free time than her, find out what you can do to lighten her load. Ask her what is on her to-do list and take on some of it yourself. Remember this little equation to keep you on top of your game: Feeling less tired + Cared For = Horny Wife/Girlfriend
  2. Pay Attention to Her. When you are together are you really with her or are you gazing at your twitter feed more than into her eyes? We each want to feel like our partner finds us to be the most interesting person on the planet. Remember when you started dating? Did you hang on every word? How long has it actually been since you looked at her. I mean really looked into her eyes while she was talking with you. Give some thought to what she needs from you - more of your time, more attention, more connection and then make sure you follow through. She probably takes care of you in a million little ways. Make sure you do the same. 
  3. Touch Her. And I don't just mean grabbing her breasts when she's doing dishes (although if it's preceded by nuzzling her neck, sucking on her earlobe and planting slow, sweet kisses along her collar bone, you go ahead and head for second base, buddy). I mean, hold her hand when you are cuddled up on the couch watching TV, give her a warm hug and a lingering kiss before you head out the door every morning, put on a slow song and hold her while you sway a little to the music from time to time. Touch her at times and in places where there is NO chance for it to lead to sex. Do that and she'll be making the first move when you are finally alone.
So that's it for tonight! Now I think I'll go put some soapy water in the kitchen sink, stick my hands in and wait for my husband to walk by...

Next Post: Saturday, October 26th - 3 More Great Tips on Being Romantic

Saturday, 19 October 2013

How to Keep the Mystery Alive (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Tonight's installment is all about bodily functions that don't have any place in your romantic relationships.

"But, MJ, burping is funny. So is farting. It makes her laugh even though she's pretending to be grossed out."

Unless you are dating an eight year old boy, she is grossed out and is pretending it is funny. If you ever watch a romantic movie, you will NEVER see the hero rip one and then hold the leading lady's head under the sheets. That's because the ladies hate that shit. It makes our vaginas slam shut. So if you do it, stop. The bodily function jokes should only be shared with your guy pals.

Also, shut the door when you are using the bathroom. She doesn't want to get in bed with you and then have an image of you having a twosie float through her brain. Shut the door. Lock it. Fan on. Strike a match. Open the window if you can and then pretend it never happened.

Gotta pee? If you can't aim properly, clean up after yourself immediately or sit the hell down. Don't leave that for her to deal with. It's easily as disgusting as your gassy smells after having chili dogs.

There is such a thing as too much intimacy. Leave a little mystery and she'll keep coming back for more.

Remember: for women, the desire factor isn't just a response to a biological need to bang someone. It's a sum total of everything that has happened in our relationship in the last day or so. If we've been grossed out, we just aren't feeling it.

That's it for now. Don't believe me? Ask her if she would find you sexier if you took my advice.

Good luck, men!


Next Post - Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
                   Three Ways to be Romantic That Will Cost You Nothing...

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Grooming 101 (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Okay, so here's part two in my series to help you guys get more action. If you already do these things, good on you! If not, it is definitely part of why you're woman isn't giving you the "come hither stare" more often. Today is ALL ABOUT GROOMING!

Have you seen Crazy, Stupid Love?  Think Ryan Gosling's character. He has the BEST advice for staying on top of your game (although he is a little mean about it).

When you first started dating, were you dressing well and taking care of yourself? Sure you were.Then you lock in the woman of your dreams, life gets busy, your priorities shift and you find yourself wearing the same grease-stained shirt around the house all day on Saturday. She loves you anyway, right? Sure, but is she swooning when she sees you?

So, here's what to do. Take a long look in the mirror. How's your haircut? Does it need an update? Does it suit you? How's your skin? Rough and flaky or smooth? Do you have nose hair sticking out? She has a great view of it if she's shorter than you.

Keep It Clean
  1.  Shower everyday. Brush at least twice a day, floss and scope, especially before you go snuggle up with her. Unless you have a beard, shave regularly. That aftershave smell is like an aphrodisiac. Also, the feel of a smooth face on hers? Delicious. If you have a beard, keep it neat. The ladies aren't exactly lusting after Grizzly Adams.
  2. Just got back from playing a sport or the gym? Toss your gym clothes in the washer and go have a shower. Don't leave your stinky clothes for her to deal with. NOT a turn on. 
  3. Wearing the same funky clothes more than one day in a row? Umm, no. Fresh clothes each day, yes.
Put in a Little Effort
  1. Hit the gym, play a sport, go running, or whatever you love to do that will keep you fit and healthy. Make it a priority and do it regularly. You guys have a sickening advantage over women. You can just do the slightest bit of exercise or cut back on beer and you drop weight like it's molten lava. So use that to your advantage. Do a little, get a big result. 
  2. Eat Right. Healthy food, including lots of fruits, veggies and lean protein make you feel more virile. They will give you that extra energy and enthusiasm for life that women love. Cut back on fast foods, food high in additives, etc.
What's in Your Closet?
  1. If you are wearing clothes that you bought in the 90s, I have bad news for you. They don't fit. Even if you are the same size, everybody wore their clothes too big back then. Donate them. Anything ill-fitting has got to go. Too big, or worse, too small - OUT. 
  2. Anything with holes, grease or pit stains needs to be filled in the round bin, regardless of how comfortable. You can buy a new favourite shirt. 
  3. Hit the stores with a stylish friend or get help from a fashion-savvy sales person. You don't have to spend a lot to start dressing in things that make her go "Mmmm".  My husband recently came home with a sexy European cut suit for a conference. When he tried it on for me, it was all I could do not to send the kids to bed at two in the afternoon. 
Okay, so that should pretty much cover it for today. Good luck, fellas!


Next Post: Saturday, October 19/13
                  How to Keep the Mystery Alive (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Saturday, 12 October 2013

How To Listen to a Woman (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Ok, fellas, here we go! Tonight, I am writing my first ever blog and it's dedicated to you poor, poor men that are so clueless when it comes to the fairer sex. Each week, I will have a new post with the sole purpose of helping you get lucky (actually it's to improve your relationship, but if I told you that first, you'd be reading something else by now).

Consider your boyfriend/husband skills as diamonds in the rough. I'm here to help you polish your ahem... skills. I have a husband who is very wise in the way of women, one of the reasons we've been together for over half our lives already. So first lesson is on listening. I know it's confusing. It's tough and it certainly doesn't make any sense to you when we say "I don't want you to solve it! I just want you to listen!"

There is a good reason that "It's Not About the Nail" got over 6 milliion views in 4 months. It's funny because it's true. Jason Headley captured the absurdity of it all.

We don't want your advice because we are also capable of higher level thinking. You know how when you have a problem, you like to go off and think about it and make a decision? We like to talk it out with someone who loves us. We hear the solution as we are talking. Getting advice from you feels bad for two reasons:

  1. It makes us feel stupid and we don't like to feel stupid. We women grew up as little girls. Often little girls are treated as though they are not as smart as their male counterparts. 
  2. It makes us feel shut down. When you're quick on the draw with the old suggestion it makes it pretty clear that you've got better things to do. Do you really? Is finding out the score to today's baseball game at this exact moment worth sacrificing sex for? I didn't think so. 
Why do we want you to listen anyway? It feels good. It's one way that we feel loved and supported. Feeling loved and supported leads to feelings of intimacy. (Oh, now it's becoming clear, isn't it?)

  1. Listening consists of Hearing AND comprehending what the person speaking is actually saying. So if you are watching sports, reading your twitter feed, or checking out the waitress's legs while your girl's lips are moving, consider it a fail. Stop whatever else you are doing and pay attention. Remember this will payoff later, so it's worth it.
  2. You Can't Listen and Talk at the Same Time.  Only women can do this. And not all of us either. So you're best bet is to keep your lips locked shut and throw away the key. Zip it. Shut it. That's right. Much better.
  3. You also can't listen while you are thinking of the great advice that you have to give her so that she'll just shut the hell up and you can get back to watching sports highlights.  Oh I know. It's almost impossible not to think of any number of easy, smart and/or obvious ways that she could get out of whatever is making her life (and now yours) miserable. But don't. She's smart. She'll figure out the best solution. The WAY she'll figure it out is by talking about it. She's problem solving and you are the lucky sounding board. So dig your fork into your leg, bite your cheek, do anything you have to in order to remind yourself that your ideas and suggestions are not welcome here. 
  4. The Only Acceptable Statements from You are As Follows:
    1. Are you serious? He/She/They said/did/ that?
    2. That sucks, babe/honey/sweetheart
    3. Then what happened? 
    4. Tsking sounds, shaking your head and/or saying "NO!" in disbelief are all good
    5. She's a serious bitch! (unless the she that your woman is complaining about is her sister/best friend/mom - then leave this one out and go back to #1)
    6. What a dick! (again, not to be used for her dad/brother)
    7. That must have been awful. I'm so sorry you had such a bad day/week/semester/class.
    8. What are you going to do? 
    9. Oh sugar lips, I know you can figure it out. You always make the right choice. (except probably don't call her sugar lips).
    10. Let me make you a drink/give you a foot rub/rub your shoulders (Note: DO NOT EXPECT SEX AT THIS POINT! Don't even try it. Not even a little bit. That will come later)

Okay? So that's it. Really women are pretty simple to understand. You just have to stop thinking like a man once in a while.

You're welcome, boys!


Next Post:    Wednesday, October 16th    
                      Grooming 101 (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)