Saturday, 19 October 2013

How to Keep the Mystery Alive (So You'll Get a Little Somethin' Somethin' Later)

Tonight's installment is all about bodily functions that don't have any place in your romantic relationships.

"But, MJ, burping is funny. So is farting. It makes her laugh even though she's pretending to be grossed out."

Unless you are dating an eight year old boy, she is grossed out and is pretending it is funny. If you ever watch a romantic movie, you will NEVER see the hero rip one and then hold the leading lady's head under the sheets. That's because the ladies hate that shit. It makes our vaginas slam shut. So if you do it, stop. The bodily function jokes should only be shared with your guy pals.

Also, shut the door when you are using the bathroom. She doesn't want to get in bed with you and then have an image of you having a twosie float through her brain. Shut the door. Lock it. Fan on. Strike a match. Open the window if you can and then pretend it never happened.

Gotta pee? If you can't aim properly, clean up after yourself immediately or sit the hell down. Don't leave that for her to deal with. It's easily as disgusting as your gassy smells after having chili dogs.

There is such a thing as too much intimacy. Leave a little mystery and she'll keep coming back for more.

Remember: for women, the desire factor isn't just a response to a biological need to bang someone. It's a sum total of everything that has happened in our relationship in the last day or so. If we've been grossed out, we just aren't feeling it.

That's it for now. Don't believe me? Ask her if she would find you sexier if you took my advice.

Good luck, men!


Next Post - Wednesday, October 23rd, 2013
                   Three Ways to be Romantic That Will Cost You Nothing...

1 comment:

  1. O.M.G. BEST ADVICE EVER!!! And if it does slip out, how about an "excuse me"? It couldn't hurt!